I'm supposed to apologize to them?
Feb. 22nd, 2003 12:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vulgarweedWith fingers firmly crossed behind back....
Dear Hermione: I'm sorry your solitary pleasures were witnessed not only by your least favorite teacher but by hundreds of people on WIKTT. I'm sorry I made you into a know-it-all, self-righteous, nosy prat....oh wait, I didn't do that, Rowling did. I'm sorry your sexual frustration and porn habit backed up so far into your brain you decided it was a good idea to shag your friendly local Potions Bastard and that he agreed with you. However, I am not sorry I made you unknowingly-at-the-time A.K. your ex, because I know that deep down inside, what bothers you the most is that you are not sorry either.
Dear Severus: I was very generous to you with your Animagus form - it's far cooler than you deserve, and in your heart you know that. Except for the fact that Minerva never gave you any, I have nothing to apologize to you for yet. Well, except that incident at the mall. You have got to stop cruising....man-like things at the changing rooms. People will talk. How can one man be so slutty and yet so inhibited with certain things? Could you possibly have a virgin/whore complex with yourself? I wouldn't put it past you.
Dear Harry: I am sorry you have gotten so little action, and in fact have achieved so little in my stories besides getting yelled at by Snape, which of course is no challenge for you. Don't worry, your life will get much more interesting soon.
Dear Ron: I am sorry I implied that you're a lousy lay. You know it's true, though, and you know why.
Dear Minerva: I am not sorry to have exposed your conflicted past and your passionate, if once rather confused, heart. You know perfectly well it's much better than the sensible-schoolmarm routine you've gotten so used to faking.
Dear Petra: I am sorry about your school. They're doing their best to fix it. I feel I owe you in particular, as my first OC with an actual speaking part, something even more exciting than a fiery temper and some ancient magic straight out of Kalevala-by-Lovecraft. Not that I plan to give up on those, of course.
Dear Sirius: I am sorry you appeared as such an irrational, paranoid, and reckless closet case. When you appear next time, you will have grown out of that. Somewhat.
Dear Remus: I am sorry to imply that you have a bloodthirsty streak. I know how it hurts you when people rub your snou-, I mean muzz-, I mean NOSE in it.
Dear Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard: You're welcome.
Dear Bitch-King: I am not sorry I told the world you screamed like a girl the first time you got a taste of, um, Grond, back when you were still human. You totally try to dom from the bottom, and all of Mordor knows it.
Dear Sauron: Ah apologize abjectly about the alliteration.
Dear Hermione: I'm sorry your solitary pleasures were witnessed not only by your least favorite teacher but by hundreds of people on WIKTT. I'm sorry I made you into a know-it-all, self-righteous, nosy prat....oh wait, I didn't do that, Rowling did. I'm sorry your sexual frustration and porn habit backed up so far into your brain you decided it was a good idea to shag your friendly local Potions Bastard and that he agreed with you. However, I am not sorry I made you unknowingly-at-the-time A.K. your ex, because I know that deep down inside, what bothers you the most is that you are not sorry either.
Dear Severus: I was very generous to you with your Animagus form - it's far cooler than you deserve, and in your heart you know that. Except for the fact that Minerva never gave you any, I have nothing to apologize to you for yet. Well, except that incident at the mall. You have got to stop cruising....man-like things at the changing rooms. People will talk. How can one man be so slutty and yet so inhibited with certain things? Could you possibly have a virgin/whore complex with yourself? I wouldn't put it past you.
Dear Harry: I am sorry you have gotten so little action, and in fact have achieved so little in my stories besides getting yelled at by Snape, which of course is no challenge for you. Don't worry, your life will get much more interesting soon.
Dear Ron: I am sorry I implied that you're a lousy lay. You know it's true, though, and you know why.
Dear Minerva: I am not sorry to have exposed your conflicted past and your passionate, if once rather confused, heart. You know perfectly well it's much better than the sensible-schoolmarm routine you've gotten so used to faking.
Dear Petra: I am sorry about your school. They're doing their best to fix it. I feel I owe you in particular, as my first OC with an actual speaking part, something even more exciting than a fiery temper and some ancient magic straight out of Kalevala-by-Lovecraft. Not that I plan to give up on those, of course.
Dear Sirius: I am sorry you appeared as such an irrational, paranoid, and reckless closet case. When you appear next time, you will have grown out of that. Somewhat.
Dear Remus: I am sorry to imply that you have a bloodthirsty streak. I know how it hurts you when people rub your snou-, I mean muzz-, I mean NOSE in it.
Dear Merry, Pippin, and Treebeard: You're welcome.
Dear Bitch-King: I am not sorry I told the world you screamed like a girl the first time you got a taste of, um, Grond, back when you were still human. You totally try to dom from the bottom, and all of Mordor knows it.
Dear Sauron: Ah apologize abjectly about the alliteration.
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no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 12:06 am (UTC)~Icarus
*whine*
Date: 2003-02-22 12:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 12:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 12:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 01:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 11:48 am (UTC)heh heh. Merry, Pippin & Treebeard: You're welcome. *snort*
no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 03:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-02-22 05:46 pm (UTC)Casanova
Date: 2003-02-22 07:17 pm (UTC)You *would* set this sort of precedent
Date: 2003-02-22 04:23 pm (UTC)Re: You *would* set this sort of precedent
Date: 2003-02-22 05:47 pm (UTC)Severus would never trust an apology from you anyway.
Re: You *would* set this sort of precedent
Date: 2003-02-22 07:16 pm (UTC)Whyever not?
*flounce*
Re: You *would* set this sort of precedent
Date: 2003-02-22 08:15 pm (UTC)Wow!
Date: 2003-02-23 12:24 am (UTC)Can I join your fan club?
;)
Re: Wow!
Date: 2003-02-23 03:57 pm (UTC)ROTFLMGDAO!
Date: 2003-02-23 08:11 am (UTC)(Hunched over the keyboard giggling helplessly, ribs hurting . . .) Damn, girl, I'm just lucky I finished eating before I read that!
From now on, whenever I re-read LotR and come to a passage where a Nazgul's fell cry is heard on the wind, I'm going to see it in a whooooooole new light. >;-)
Re: ROTFLMGDAO!
Date: 2003-02-23 03:59 pm (UTC)Wow, does that mean I just managed to make the Black Riders even scarier?
(And is the specific girl he screamed like Fran Walsh?)