I really enjoyed this. I got a little lost, I have to admit, and had to reread to make sure I was getting the concept - a failing of mine, no doubt, and not your writing.

There were so many cool lines in this:

redeemed if he wasn’t getting the hang of something that seemed kind of like the way he’d heard humans describe dreaming. It was almost as good as watching life, and one always got to be warm. I love the concept, and of course he has to say "redeemed" instead of "damned". Hilarious.

And when Aziraphale tries to talk about Percy's death (beautifully expressed, BTW), Crowley just can't help being an asshole: “So did you carpe his diem then?”

And this just rings so true for most relationships: Do you really think I’m such a twisted little shite I’m not even capable of honest lust? That I can’t even want you without some infernal ulterior motive? No, you’re sort of right in some horrifically wrong way. I have wretched timing. You’re in mourning. You should be in black crepe and a veil. Go lay yourself down under the twilight beneath some melancholy willow tree and pine. I’m going to go back to sleep. Don’t wake me up again unless you really want my company. Or maybe not even then.”

This fandom is good for you - it lends itself to snark and dark creepy themes at the same time!