PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARIES: NOT A CLOWN CAR.

[vulgarweed]

So James Dobson's Focus on the Family wants to field a third-party candidate if the Republican nominee isn't Taliban enough.

Call the waaaaaaahmbulance, guys, it's time for a little post-Nader schadenfreude from the left.

Now, I know the mainstream media is fixated on a Subway Series between our front-running New Yorkers, but it could be SO MUCH FUNNIER.


See, Dobson, I think I know just the man for your job!


REMATCH!


(Really, it makes sense. Keyes's percentage of the vote against Obama in the '04 IL Senate race: 28%. Bush's current approval rating: 29% and sinking. Coincidence? Maybe not!)

Comments

[sarahsan]

Oh, lord, can't wait to see what fossil of Victorianism Dobson unearths. And where did you find that Keyes guy? There is some scary shit on that man's website. I wonder if his "new model of citizenship" happens to include a youth army and total obedience to the fuhrer...

Is it 1984, yet?

[sarken.livejournal.com]

I would just DIE. Oh, please, let it be Keyes! (Dude, that rhymes. I'm thinking slogan.)

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Keyes is a laughingstock in my state because a few years ago he called Hillary Clinton a carpetbagger motivated only by ambition when she ran for Senate from New York. In '04, after Republican stiff suit Jack Ryan had to drop out of the Senate race due to a scandal involving his ex-wife Jeri Ryan (yes, Seven of Nine - you can't make this shit up!) objecting to him pressuring her to give "public service" a whole new meaning in some sex clubs in New York and Paris way back when, the Republican Party for some reason got Alan Keyes, a former Reagan appointee to a bunch of stuff and now a right-wing talk show host in MARYLAND, to move to Illinois in AUGUST to run for the Senate seat. (Cue lots of snarky coverage of some campaign workers helping him move a mattress, a TV set, and not much else into some hastily-rented flat in Calumet City). So, after Barack Obama spanked him in a humiliating landslide to absolutely no one's surprise except maybe Keyes's, he sank to new depths of sportsmanship by refusing to congratulate his opponent, and then kicking his 19-year-old daughter Maya, who'd put college on hold to work for his campaign even though she disagrees with him on pretty much everything, out of the house because she's a lesbian.

Like I said, you can't make this shit up. And he's running for President again anyway, so why not?

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

WOuldn't it be brilliant? I mean, he's running anyway as usual, but he would get SO MUCH MORE COVERAGE if he did this. It would be comedy gold!

[sarahsan]

Dear gawd.

I mean...I really can't say anything else, it's just that priceless.

Thank you for this, this really makes my night and helps me keep the world in perspective here in the Bible Belt. ;)

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I have never seen such a political trainwreck. It was that way from the very beginning. I should point out that even Obama didn't start out as the frontrunner--he was kind of the anti-war movement longshot--until the Dem frontrunner Blair Hull had to drop out over all sorts of scandals, most notably domestic violence allegations.

I thought the choice of Keyes was just insulting. I mean, we have our own fair share of homegrown frothing wingnuts--why ship someone in from outside?

It probably won't help you sleep, but to cope, I have to admit I slashed it.

[sarahsan]

*gouges out eyes with scissors*

*and also bookmarks*

XD Oh. Oh, yes, indeed. I'm pretty sure you're right about Jesus, by the way, though I wouldn't put it entirely past Him to have registered in Illinois that year. ;)

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Keyes really did say that about Obama, that Jesus wouldn't vote for him. The "slaveholder position" line is true too. It really was a jawdrop-a-minute, watching him. (That's why I think Obama could probably hold his own against Ahmadinejad. He's good at that, "I'm going to be diplomatic and pretend you didn't say what you just said" expression.) The rest of it...well, Obama was one of my characters in a crackfic politislash RPG, and I'd just read his memoir, so that horror emerged in first person. XD

[sarahsan]

*snert* Your ICON...you're just a veritable font of political sniggers this evening, m'dear.

*lovingly tucks icon away in her "Beloved Icons" folder* ;)

[ithilwen.livejournal.com]

So James Dobson's Focus on the Family wants to field a third-party candidate if the Republican nominee isn't Taliban enough.

Good! Let's hope they do. They won't gain enough votes to win, but with any luck they will siphon off enough from the Republican candidate to guarantee a Democratic presidential victory.

I love it when fundies shoot themselves in the foot.