"...the sanctity of my hoo-hoo...

[vulgarweed]

Because it's never too late to take The Pledge (even if you're pushing 40 and have shagged the equivalent of a small country's Parliament), I bring you the ULTIMATE pro-abstinence site, the one that convinced me!

Iron Hymen!

Don't forget to follow the link to the site for boys, Sex Is For Fags!

Language very much not work-safe. Only to show how DISGUSTING sex is, of course.

Comments

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

...... okay, that's weird. And scary. And unfortunately similar to some allegedly-real people I've shared digs with. BLARG.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

It's satire, of course.

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. But I have known people who would take it all very seriously, was my point. ;P

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I think this is one of the best mental images in the history of ever: "OHMIGOD, like, Iron Hymen taught me to respect myself way too much to ever let some hairy creep hock man-lugies on my Godly cervix like it's some gross subway platform!"

Either that or: "To never do rough stuff like ride horsies or bikes with hard seats, which could break my vagina's freshness seal and make me totally unlovable."

I'm not sure I ever had a hymen. Some girls don't, you know. If I did, I have no clue when it went away.

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

I did. I was, let's see ... (counts on fingers) ... 26. And we'll just allude to it as a hunting accident, shall we ...? ;]

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

How'd you know? I'd always heard there was supposed to be blood, but I don't remember anything like that. I'm assuming mine had something to do with horseback riding or sharp rocks in the river when I went tubing (ouch!) or tampons or that hairbrush I had when I was 12 or so with the handle shaped just right...

The whole virginity-fetish thing is weird and disturbing to me on so many levels. I mean, at heart it's just something one's never done, right? Well, until I was 29 I'd never been to California, but there isn't some kind of special status or word for people who've never done that. I've still never gone skiing, but there's no cultish significance either way to that either, right?

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

Um, yes. Blood. As it happens. And the friends I consulted about it at the time looked at me as if I were some sort of little fuzzy creature form Alpha Centauri, so I gather it's ... rather unusual in this day and age.

The whole Virginity Cult thing Must Die. It all harks back, I'm sure, to men wanting control over inheritance, and somehow ensuring that their son gets the fruits of their hard work. Can't have women choosing who they want to sleep with, can we? And it somehow shrinks a man's penis to have someone else father a child on a woman he owns ...

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

It occurs to me now that if I'd had some minor injury while menstruating, I surely might've bled and not noticed. *shrug* Yeah, that's probably not the first thing that would occur to me either - I'd probably think, "Isn't spotting a symptom of pregnancy sometimes"? XD

I think probably the creepiest thing I've heard of in modern US culture is the Purity Ball phenomenon - little girls pledging their virginity to the care of their fathers until they're married. BLARGH!!!!! (I can just imagine the look on my dad's face if I ever asked him to participate in something like that. XD) And yeah, it is all about the "value" of women being determined only by sex, and "used goods" being "diminished" somehow (honey, it's not like you're going to run out of it) to men, and...ugh, it's just nine kinds of icky.

Not to mention, I think the romanticized concept of "saving yourself" so you can have tremendously wonderful soulshaking sex for the first time on your wedding night is kind of like never practicing your figure skating so you can "save yourself" for the Olympics. Highly illogical.

[slythwolf.livejournal.com]

I love that. Saving yourself for the Olympics. Best metaphor ever.

I remember when my mom took me aside and told me (at sixteen, age of consent in Michigan) never to marry anyone without knowing what he was like in bed. I love my mom. :D

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I love your mom too. :D

My mom says she actually was a virgin when she got married - easy for her to say, she was 19! And she eloped when she'd been dating my dad for all of 3 months.

[slythwolf.livejournal.com]

Oddly enough, my mom was 19 when she got married too--she was like a month shy of 20. But she and my dad had already been living together for a year or two, and she tells me she had a lot of fun in high school.

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

Heh. I like that metaphor! More people need to hear it, says I. ;]

I am reminded of old Samurai-era Japan, where women were expected to be both virgin and skilled on their wedding night. This was commonly resolved quite neatly by childhood girlfriends becoming teenaged lovers -- all covered by a quiet nod and wink for the good of society, of course. ;D

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

Re: "diminished" and "used goods" -- it's still a matter of education. There are still, for instance, dog breeders who insist that, if purebred champion Fifi gets accidentally pregnant by the mutt across the road, she is forever tainted from having proper purebred puppies. As if the sperm sticks around in the female plumbing forever, or something ....

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Now that's just males flattering themselves as to their importance...XD

[slythwolf.livejournal.com]

I have heard that. It's so ridiculous. I knew a kid in middle school who insisted that if a bitch got pregnant by a dog of a different breed or a mutt, she wasn't purebred anymore.

I always kind of wondered if that kid was taking the same health class as the rest of us.

[slythwolf.livejournal.com]

I know I didn't. XD

One of my old roommates had heard some theory that women who were born without hymens were more likely to be bisexual or gay. I told her, well, the theory holds out with me!

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

IIiiiiiiiiiinteresting. :)

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

Oh noes! The sanctity of my hoo-hoo is being violated!

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

...thirsty little albino penises...

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

*gigglesnort*

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I always preferred to think of them as "vampire tea bags."

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

*snickers* A friend of mine used to say she was off to harpoon herself.

[catherinecookmn.livejournal.com]

Oh, Lordy that was funny. :-)

By the way, you had incoming mail this afternoon. Did you get it?

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Ooo, I'll check!

[scieppan.livejournal.com]

OMG hilarious. The trichinosis worm bit slayed me.

Also? Olympic metaphor = best ever!

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

thank you, V.

I have no other words.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Wow. She really does look like Laura Bush, doesn't she? I think it's the eyes. And the fashion sense.

[furius.livejournal.com]

Aw, there's not point about pre-marital sex and masturbation= adultery to future husband/wife!

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

You mean it's possible to cheat on someone you haven't met yet? With yourself??

That's so kinky I almost envy it. What if your future spouse likes to watch you masturbate? Is there an added cuckold-fetish thrill?

[uptowngirl48.livejournal.com]

hi! I finished reading your Ravenous series and wondered if you might by any chance be continuing it?

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't rule it out! I haven't posted anything new on that since...geez, about 2004 or so. But now that it's a closed canon, I'm feeling inspired to look at it again. So I won't promise, but it could happen. :)

[uptowngirl48.livejournal.com]

if you do continue, can't wait to read it!