The Middle Distance

In an unprinted letter to the Tadfield Advertiser and several top shelf magazines:

Dear Editor,

Whilst I am aware that demonic sluts are performing a duty vital to the Ineffable Plan under sometimes difficult conditions, I am thoroughly appalled at the blatant disregard for safety and insufferable instance on being on top held by one of their number I recently encountered. This particular individual clearly flouted both good sense and safety guidelines by employing the use of shoddy homemade rope to tie me up, rather than a purpose bought bindings that have undergone rigorous testing and fulfil the criteria set out by well researched government safety directives. What is this country coming to when any diabolic tart can go sleeping around without proper considerated for sensible precautions which would prevent rope burn and awkward questions from one's spouse.

Yours faithfully,

RP Tyler.




Yes, I realise that that was extremely wrong and that I probably do need help.