The Middle Distance

This was my entry in the 2018 Wits On Tap challenge!

This is a fest where people remix other people's stories as poems. It's always, always great fun.

Full 2018 collection on AO3

I was assigned Alexxphoenix42's sexy, hilarious, Come Here Often?, a Johnlock-alternate-first-meeting story with bad pickup lines and sex in an alley.

I went at it through a pastiche of Allen Ginsberg's raunchy Please Master.

Sherlock/John, Sherlock POV, so very very explicit.

Please Mister (Come Here. Often.) (After Allen Ginsberg)

Please mister can I touch you, full of cheek
Please mister can I berail you with my awful lines
(I got that from a book. Everybody gets that from a book.)
Please mister can I tell you your beautiful body and will you hold it against me
Please mister will you look at my arse when I bend down to pick up the jaw I dropped because of you
Please mister will you shoot me dead with your eyes and shroud my corpse with your lashes
Please mister can I tell you what your mouth makes me dream of...

A 221B drabble per day (whether it’s a Sherlockian fandom or not), drawn from the kinktober kink list!

Day 1: 1. Spanking | Sleepy Sex | Aphrodisiacs

A Boon to Diplomacy (The Hobbit, Bilbo/Thorin/Thranduil/Bard)

Day 2: 2. Dirty talk | Watersports | Forniphilia (Human Furniture)

A Firm Footing (Sherlock, Irene Adler/Sherlock Holmes)

Day 3: 3. Public | Biting | Sthenolagnia (Strength/Muscles)

Chelicerae (The Silmarillion, Thuringwethil/Ungoliant)

Day 4: 4. Bukakke | Knife Play | Begging

Entitlement (Sherlock, Sherlock/John)

Day 5: Day 5: 5. Humiliation | Cuckolding | Body Swap

Double Dare (Sherlock, Sherlock/Mary/John)

Day 6: 6. Size Difference | Bondage | Bonds (Telepathic or Empathic)

Knotty Wood (Lord of the Rings, Merry/Pippin/Treebeard)

Day 7: 7. Creampie | Worship (Body, etc) | Cross-dressing

The Gentleman Thief (Sherlock, Irene/Mary)

The armed security guard stood at alert rest, hands crossed behind in a strict military manner. No one at the museum wanted to take risks on a recurrence of the AGRA incident, not with the crown jewels of Narrativistan on loan for a limited engagement.

A lean dapper gentleman strode down the hall to the vault with the aura of one who belonged there. The guard alone knew that he didn’t - and looked askance at another guard who wasn’t quite right. It wouldn’t matter. The cameras would be off when they needed to be.

And such was Irene’s daring that she wriggled half out of her Westwood wool and showed sage-green skin-caressing silk, her male-manicured hands slithering into Mary’s uniform trousers right there in the vault. Mary thought she’d be the one who couldn’t keep her hands off Irene - smart tailoring of that suit seeming to change her whole body shape and give her natural air of dominance a masculine flavour. But it was Irene who seemed impatient. “The jewels are safe, pet,” she purred. “In the safest place. Well, safe from anyone but you.”

The cocky effect was dazzling as Irene pushed Mary against the steel wall and opened her shirt and waistcoat, pressing her breasts against Mary’s cheap uniform. “Suits suit you,” Mary murmured.

“Suits you to look butch.”

A 221B drabble per day (whether it’s a Sherlockian fandom or not), drawn from the kinktober kink list!

Day 1: 1. Spanking | Sleepy Sex | Aphrodisiacs

A Boon to Diplomacy (The Hobbit, Bilbo/Thorin/Thranduil/Bard)

Day 2: 2. Dirty talk | Watersports | Forniphilia (Human Furniture)

A Firm Footing (Sherlock)

“Very steady footstool, Miss Adler,” said Mai the professional podophile. Many thought they could withstand this game, and most were wrong. Neither woman would forget the barrister that collapsed during the acupressure phase of the pedicure and smeared still-moist Pompeian Pomegranate everywhere.

“Irene, please,” said Irene, as she always did. The other woman shook her head and smiled, for she and Irene also had a game together. “But it’s listing a bit to the left I think.”

Irene gave a light slap to the footstool’s pale shapely arse, and one straining thigh shifted slightly to give a more solid purchase. Underneath, one could see that the footstool was aroused, but Irene knew that was a physiological response only, and what mattered most to the object was the energy in its brain. Helps it think, it said. Train the transport. Regardless, it loved the steadying pressure of Irene’s slender feet in the small of its back as her cuticles were massaged and her toenails painted. It was a matter of honour to it. She deigned to pet its dark curly hair and admire the architectural curves of its lean shoulders and arms.

Its sweat had a rich scent. Its nude skin was smooth against her heels. Sometimes it texted her hours later with news of a case breakthrough.

***

(this is the second story I’ve gotten out of one semi-joke line in The Passion That Slays and Recovers. That fic is a gift that keeps on giving.)

title: After Me, the Deluge
Fandom: Sherlock
Pairing: Sherlock/Mary/John
Rating: NC-17/Explicit
Tags/Content/Warnings: Dark Past, Bad Science, Not S4 Compliant, Don't Overthink This, Mary Has That Something Special. None of AO3's big four trigger warnings apply

Summary:Dark secrets of Mary’s past are coming to light, with unimaginable consequences for her, and for John, and for Sherlock.

The trigger word is “architeuthis.”

***

(If you want to find out what Mary’s dark secret is, you have to read it. Mind the rating and pairing. psst. I'm not saying it's tentacles but it's totally tentacles.)


After Me, the Deluge at AO3

This was first published in the program book for Sherlock Seattle/Watson Washington; it had to stay exclusive until after the con.

Breakfast Where the News is Read at AO3
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Word court: 1226
Rating: PG
Warnings: PTSD, allusions to war crimes

John Watson is just fine with being in danger - because it's the quiet, slow times that often feel more dangerous.

This story riffs on the opening scenes of “The Adventure of the Cardboard Box.” Title comes from “The Unknown Soldier” by the Doors.

I’m almost 4000 words into an Irene/Mary kinkfest for my Season of Kink card, and also for Femslash WhateverMonthIWindUpPostingItIn, and it’s giving me fits. It’s all over the place. It’s a beautiful hot mess disaster with a contemporary setting but full of 19th century literature damage, and in first person for some godforsaken reason.

I think the only way it makes sense is if you know that in this story my Irene and Mary are about half Raffles and Bunny and about half Wanda and Severin.

( Lockpicking and Leather )

hahaha this is going to run so much longer than I thought. But I WILL make this pairing catch on if it kills me.

I've been lax on posting the updates of this fic here - so sorry!


Chapter 9: The City of the Thousand Caves

A respite and refuge, from everything but politics. Sérelókë and Iaun are guests of the real powers in Doriath.

Epilogue: The Horn of the Hunter

A sort of honeymoon.


Explicit
Archive Warning:
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category:
M/M
Fandoms: Sherlock/The Silmarillion
Rating: NC-17/E
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson Sherlock/Gothmog
Content notes/warnings/enticements:
Shapeshifting, Kinslaying, More Shapeshifting Elemental Whip Magic, BDSM, Rope Bondage, Dubious Consent, Even More Dubious Tolkienian Theology, Crack, crackfic, Dom Sherlock, Sub Everybody Else, Dark Fuck Prince Running Loose in Middle-earth, Bang a Balrog (Get It On), Interspecies, Crossover, Canon-Typical Violence, Sensation Play, Temperature Play, Violent Sex, Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Painplay, Elemental Magic, Rough Sex, Stone Bondage, Impact Play, Rimming, Dubious Tolkienian Linguistic Discipline, Mild Cock & Ball Torture, Body Worship

Summary: "It's a bonny thing," said he. "Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime. Every good stone is. They are the devil's pet baits. In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed.” - Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle, Arthur Conan Doyle

Sequel to With Both Hands Thou Shalt Give It. After Melkor murdered Finwë and stole the Silmarils, fleeing to the lands across the sea, Fëanor, the Silmarils’ maker, led an army in hot pursuit to avenge his father and reclaim his treasure, swearing an oath that would doom them all. And the Fëanorians were followed by the eccentric, brilliant, and fearlessly kinky Maia detective called Sérelókë, who can always be trusted to stick his nose (and other parts) into the meat of any fascinating and dangerous crime. In Beleriand, he will find a rich playground for all his passions, and meet a companion who will change his life forever.

Chapter 1:Aftermath Prologue - The Tale of the Journey to the East

In a time and place of safety after the Battle Under the Stars (and the main events of this story) Sérelókë tells the tale of how he came to cross the sea to Beleriand. He will take his sweet time - he has a captive audience.

Chapter 2: Elen Sila Lumenn Omentielvo

A star shines on the hour of their meeting.

Chapter 3: I Am More Sweet Than Other Meat

There's only one way to deal with creatures like the residents of the Valley of Dreadful Death - insult them!

Chapter 4: The Battlefield Under the Stars

Iaun would not choose to be bystander to a great battle - but Fëanor's fall is terrifying. And Iaun's new friend Sérelókë is more terrifying still.

Chapter 5: Where There's a Whip, There's a Way

Sérelókë confronts Gothmog, Lord of Balrogs, before the very gates of Angband. And Iaun discovers something about his new companion - and something about himself as well. (Specifically, a raging voyeurism kink.)

Chapter 6: Study in Flesh and Spirit

Wary and slow to trust he may be, but Iaun finds himself quick and reckless in desire - which is not at all the same thing. (An Elf is not quite so dangerous to seduce as a Balrog, but there is patience and artistry required in doing it properly.)

Chapter 7: Come Through Woe to Bliss

Iaun likes a lot of woe with his bliss, and even Sérelókë finds him quite a handful. Handfuls, even.

(this is the chapter that's just 8100 words of Sérelókë/Iaun BDSM - as only they can do it. Or would want to.)

Chapter 8: The Last Flower of Silver

Sérelókë and Iaun deepen their relationship, and see each other in a whole new light. A very literal new light.

Chapter 9: The City of the Thousand Caves

A respite and refuge, from everything but politics. Sérelókë and Iaun are guests of the real powers in Doriath.

Epilogue: The Horn of the Hunter

A sort of honeymoon.



***

Completed a while ago, but I drifted away from LJ/DW again. Apologies!

I've already started brainstorming some truly terrible ideas for the next tale in this series (which needs a series title!) May be a while, but I promise it shall continue.

Written in 24 hours for the come_at_once challenge!

I Like Smoke and Lightning

Verse: BBC AU
Pairing: Sherlock/John, mentions of past Sherlock/OMC
Rating: E
Warnings: References to past watersports
Tags: Biker Kink, Leather, Denim, Military Kink, Motorcycles, Public Sex, Rough Sex, Frottage, Oral Sex
Summary: This is a scene from the world of the Bone Fiddle stories I’ve co-written with htebazytook: set in Appalachia in the early 1970s, where urban exile!Sherlock and Vietnam vet!John explore the seamy southern Gothic underbelly of the fog-shrouded mountains. Through a new case and an old acquaintance, John learns a bit about Sherlock’s past and certain elements of his undercover work - just how far was he willing to go for a case? And just how far will John go with him?

Notes: Title is from “Born to Be Wild” by Steppenwolf (I like smoke and lightning / heavy metal thunder / racing with the wind / and the feeling that I’m under).
Dedicated to the memory of Larry Townsend (1930-2008), author of both The Sexual Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1971) and The Leatherman’s Handbook (1972). Sherlock in this ‘verse owns a well-thumbed copy of the latter.

prompt: "I thought it was obvious"

At AO3


Explicit
Archive Warning:
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category:
M/M
Fandoms: Sherlock/The Silmarillion
Rating: NC-17/E
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson Sherlock/Gothmog
Content notes/warnings/enticements: Shapeshifting, Kinslaying, More Shapeshifting, Elemental Whip Magic, BDSM, Rope Bondage, Dubious Consent, Even More Dubious Tolkienian Theology, Crack, crackfic, Dom Sherlock, Sub Everybody Else, Dark Fuck Prince Running Loose in Middle-earth, Bang a Balrog (Get It On), Interspecies, Crossover

Summary: "It's a bonny thing," said he. "Just see how it glints and sparkles. Of course it is a nucleus and focus of crime. Every good stone is. They are the devil's pet baits. In the larger and older jewels every facet may stand for a bloody deed.” - Sherlock Holmes, The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle, Arthur Conan Doyle

Sequel to With Both Hands Thou Shalt Give It. After Melkor murdered Finwë and stole the Silmarils, fleeing to the lands across the sea, Fëanor, the Silmarils’ maker, led an army in hot pursuit to avenge his father and reclaim his treasure, swearing an oath that would doom them all. And the Fëanorians were followed by the eccentric, brilliant, and fearlessly kinky Maia detective called Sérelókë, who can always be trusted to stick his nose (and other parts) into the meat of any fascinating and dangerous crime. In Beleriand, he will find a rich playground for all his passions, and meet a companion who will change his life forever.

Chapter 1

This will be posted serially; it's about 3/4 finished and thoroughly outlined. Projected word count looks to be in the 30-35k range; first chapter is about 5.

(reblogging from Tumblr, because I tend to lose track of things there. I think this idea is gold and it's a keeper.)

Ever since writing The Passion That Slays and Recovers, I’m kind of infatuated with Irene/Mary as a pairing.

So now I want to write ridiculous heist-caper hijinks where Irene Adler and Mary Morstan are the international criminal masterminds that Sherlock and John are obsessed with catching (and always falling just a teeeeeny bit short).

It would be heavy on the sex (I/M and S/J, and who knows, maybe various other combinations of the four), the humor, and the wildly implausible casefic crack, and very light on the angst and serious violence (think of my AdMor as less like MorMor and more like a kinky lesbian Raffles & Bunny.)

I know this pairing is rare-to-nonexistent, but HEY. THAT CAN CHANGE.

Would there be interest in this out there?

(I got a pretty good response on Tumblr and in the Antidiogenes chat.)

Think of it. There might have been a moment when S & J could have caught them, but it was decided all around that they were still all having too much fun. There might also have been a moment when I & M could have got away with stopping S & J's efforts to catch them forever - but it was decided not to, by the same people, for the same reason.

There must have been a time when they secretly joined forces against someone who horrified all of them.

Irene ties people up a lot. Strangely, no one subjected to this treatment seems to mind as much as they should.

Both pairings are totally in love, married, and devoted in their respective fucked-up ways - but none of the four holds sexual exclusiveness as a high priority, so smut possibilities are nice and flexible. (They all rank exclusiveness below dish-washing, as chores go. None of them is very fond of dish-washing. John is the only one who does it regularly - and he's jealous of Mary, because her partner is rich enough thanks to the jewel heists and high-end BDSM services to pay someone else to keep dirty dishes out of her line of vision at all times. He wonders sometimes if Sherlock couldn't pocket the occasional diamond or cane the occasional minor-noble arse to help keep up, the lazy aesthete of pure reason that he is.)