Fascinated by the inexplicable

[vulgarweed]

Personal ad from weekly newspaper. Variants on this have been running for months:

Please respond only if you don't masturbate anymore, you believe in celibacy outside of marriage, you want eventually marriage with a compatible woman, you're skinny or lean, nonsmoking, honest, agnostic or atheist, 40-60. I'm very affectionate in marriage. I'm a gentle, assertive, compassionate DWF 50, slender, attractive, 5'6", 120#.


What gets me is the atheist part. Now I can dimly, intellectually, understand that there are sex-phobic Jesus freaks, uh, excuse me, I mean "Christians with traditional values," who think masturbation is bad for some reason, but I've never heard of an atheist who gives a damn. Is there some currently fashionable quack diet or self-help rigmarole out there that advocates this, or is this woman just a freak all by herself?

But hey, whatever floats her boat. Hope she's not holding her breath, though.

Comments

[eyebrowofdoom.livejournal.com]

"I'm very affectionate in marriage."

Which would be code for, "I'm not frigid."

So we have "I'm not religious" and "I'm not frigid" (also: "no fatties", hah) but I'm not going to have sex with you until we're married, which happens at a time called "eventually", and I don't want you masturbating in the meantime, mister! And no smoking or eating too much, either.

And I don't need to tell you why.

Huh. Maybe she's an obsessive-compulsive clean freak.

Am quite mystified, otherwise.

Thanks for sharing. Very amusing. People using personals seldom seem to understand how bad their shopping list for their ideal partner makes them *themselves* look. It's far more telling about them than the direct self-description.

[ellimayhem.livejournal.com]

I once saw an ad in the personals that read something along the lines of "Are you a tall, slim, handsome, athletic, nonsmoking, nondrinking make age 18 - 24? Pretty smug about yourself, aren't you???"