So I've got this fabulous book....

[vulgarweed]

...how many life-changing moments start out like that, eh?

It's called The Bald-Headed Hermit & the Artichoke: An Erotic Thesaurus compiled by one A.D. Peterkin.

You think "cock" is too crass or over-used? How about "gristle-stick" or "plugtail?" (As you might imagine, the list of synonyms and slang for this item is several pages long).

So how does this sound for a challenge game? Every day or so (when I can be arsed to remember) I'll toss one out, and your challenge is to use it in a sentence.



Example, and today's term: team cream (an orgy or circle jerk)

"It's not the matches that'll wear you out, Harry," said Oliver, "it's the team cream in the locker room after we win."



OK, I'm off to a BBQ in a little bit. Go nuts!

Comments

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Oh, there are tons! May I propose "belly ruffian," "coral branch,""nervous-cane," "quartermaster," or "sinbad"?

Hee. I tend not to go for "romantic" per se. And this challenge is really more about how wonderful language can be...

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

And as has been noted before, one person's mood-killer is another person's turn-on.

Does your little book include ephemisms for "the act" itself? I've always been fond of "hiding the submarine", "running the train through the tunnel", "spelunking", and, er, "putting the Bentley in the garage". ;]

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

And as has been noted before, one person's mood-killer is another person's turn-on.

Yea verily. I must profess to a general dislike of erotic uses of the proper Latinate words, which sound to me rather jarringly flat and medical.

Pages and pages of words for "the act," of course. I am rather fond of "crashing the yoghurt truck," for sheer vividness. Of course, most of these are not so much a turn-on sexually but a moment of delight in linguistic ingenuity.

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

I must profess to a general dislike of erotic uses of the proper Latinate words, which sound to me rather jarringly flat and medical.

*chuckle* Whereas I find the use of certain Latin highly stimulating. But what can I say, I was a Latin scholar in secondary school ... ;]

I think of all these strange linguistics as being better applicable as codewords to refer to sex in public, rather than as sweetly titillating nothings in bed ... e.g. "Hey there, baby, wanna smoke my cigar?" ::Groucho Marx eyebrow-wiggling::

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Oh, certain Latin, certainly. :D I just mean your basic "penis," "anus," "vagina," and the like. Not sexy.

It occurs to me that a lot of the highly inventive terminology works a lot better in dialogue than in narration.

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

... and I can hardly wait to see where your dialogue goes from here .... I foresee Crowley being inventive, and Aziraphale being embarrassed. ;D

(Yes, I'll admit to being strange, but 'penis' has a certain je ne sais quoi through lack of common use. Sometimes a cock is a rooster, sometimes a wang is a computer, sometimes a dick is a gumshoe, but there ain't nuthin else a penis can be ... um, okay, unless it's an oosik. But even then ...) %]

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I foresee Crowley being inventive, and Aziraphale being embarrassed. ;D

Yes, and...vice versa is even more entertaining. After all, who's the ancient-lit geek here?

(Yes, I'll admit to being strange, but 'penis' has a certain je ne sais quoi through lack of common use. Sometimes a cock is a rooster, sometimes a wang is a computer, sometimes a dick is a gumshoe, but there ain't nuthin else a penis can be ... um, okay, unless it's an oosik. But even then ...) %]

I have to concede this is true. But then, what else could a "jerking-iron" really be? (OK, I resorted to the Book again...)

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

what else could a "jerking-iron" really be?

A tool for making beef jerky? Or perhaps for making jerked beef. ;]

I recall a (possibly apocryphal) anecdote about a grand state banquet of world leaders, during which the wife of the French President was asked what her dearest desire was. Her reply, with a serene smile, was, "A penis for all the world!" After a shocked silence, her husband coughed and said, "My dear, that word is pronounced 'happiness' ..."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_silverfox/]

*groans*

Sory, my first thought when I see something like this is where it might fit into a fic ... *imagines readers going 'Sindbad? What is he doing in bed with the couple?'* ...

And 'nervous-cane'?!

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Heh, exactly. That's why you wouldn't capitalize it?

And 'nervous-cane'?

One of the most accurately descriptive ones of the lot, IMO. They certainly can be anxious and twitchy! Hard to use in a scene naturally, alas.