Meme from all over.

[vulgarweed]

most recently penknife.

1.comment with any character you know I've written.
2. receive three bits of trivia about their sexuality: practices, preferences, experiences, fantasies, kinks, etc.
3. Profit!

OK, that third bit, not so much.

Comments

Just to be obvious.....

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

Crowley (though I was torn between him and Snape).

Re: Just to be obvious.....

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

1. His deepest, darkest, most embarrassing secret: The last time he had sex with a snake, while in snake form himself? Oh...a couple of weeks ago.

1a. No, the really deepest darkest secret? He called his partner by Aziraphale's name. In Parseltongue. (The partner couldn't have cared less.)

2. He associates physical perfection with Heaven and angels-who-aren't-Aziraphale, and therefore finds the supermodel and gym rat types that the kind of human he's pretending to be ought to date vaguely repellent. What really turns him on is fascinating flaws.

3. He likes gadgets. And objects. And machinery. (The Spanish Inquisition only put him off physical applications for a few hundred years; he's well over it now.)

Re: Just to be obvious.....

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

Heh, the gadgets and objects I could guess, but the machinery bit's definitely got me curious.

1a. No, the really deepest darkest secret? He called his partner by Aziraphale's name. In Parseltongue. (The partner couldn't have cared less.)

*Laughs* I suppose he should just be grateful that he end up with an affronted adder or suchlike. I imagine that gossip can travel pretty damned fast amongst the slithering fraternity.

[aineotter.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely Snape...

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

1. His dislike of children is not an act. He associates the state of innocence with vulnerability, hurt, and ignorance, and wants no part of it, even in a professional role.

2. He loved Lily and hated James. What turns him on the most is fantasies of a threesome.

3. For most of his adult life, his sexuality has been focused on his skill with potions and his own imagination. He is VERY good at combinations of hallucinogens and aphrodisiacs--why would he need anyone else? It would take a very compelling person to penetrate his own private erotic world....

[waxbean.livejournal.com]

speaking of Snape, what about your Hermione?

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

1. Hermione has never been innocent or ignorant of sex, as far back as she can remember. Her parents may be Muggles, but they were also educated, idealistic lefties of the 70s and 80s, who had all the appropriate sex manuals of the age lying around for their daughter to "find." Later on, at Hogwarts, when she found the magical version of Our Witch Bodies, Our Witch Selves with the moving pictures, she found she already knew most of it. But she still liked to watch the pictures.

2. She's not really switchy at all. She can fake it if she must, but she's a Domme at heart and has always known it.

2b. Although there is part of her that's very curious about centaurs, and would be willing to bottom if that's the only way she could experience one.

3. She might well be the only person at Hogwarts who is really, truly heterosexual. She really is strongly, intensely drawn to men. And yet, there is something about Luna...

[tyellas.livejournal.com]

Hey hey! Let's show the Witch King some love!

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

1. Where he grew up, in the Black Numenorean realms of Middle-earth, slavery was the norm, and he certainly made use of all its possibilities in his youth. Except for the one obvious intense possibility that was forbidden to him as a noble. The one he could never get out of his head.

2. He was never quite so turned on as the first time he met Sauron - who came to him at the time in the shape of a wolf.

3. On Weathertop, he and Frodo were all metal and bones, air and cold, naked in sight of the Great Eye. He wanted to do much, much worse than he did.

[shadowvalkyrie.livejournal.com]

Whee, I love all of your answers so far!

(And I'm pretty sure Aziraphale knows about the snake sex thing. He probably secretly rolls his eyes, tuts a little, and uses the Crowley-free time to read in peace.)

So, how about... Temeraire? ":-D

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Crowley has completely forgotten that once, while wasted, he treated Aziraphale to a truly superhuman feat of TMIdump: everything he ever wanted to know about snake sex but was too squicked out to ask.

Temeraire:

1. He used to fantasize about the breeding grounds. Until he got sent there and found the experience to be a resounding "meh."

2. He has no problem at all with that time Laurence caught him pleasuring himself. He doesn't understand why humans are so shy and prudish about this. And so uninventive - oh, of course he's watched, and Laurence seems to do it the same way every time. Doesn't he have any original ideas? Temeraire sure does.

3. One terrible, terrifyingly hot word: Lien.

[shadowvalkyrie.livejournal.com]

Crowley has completely forgotten that once, while wasted, he treated Aziraphale to a truly superhuman feat of TMIdump: everything he ever wanted to know about snake sex but was too squicked out to ask.

"X-D Please, please get drunk enough yourself to write that at some point!

1. He used to fantasize about the breeding grounds. Until he got sent there and found the experience to be a resounding "meh."

Yeah, obviously... ":-/ I feel sorry for his shattered fantasies.

2. He has no problem at all with that time Laurence caught him pleasuring himself. He doesn't understand why humans are so shy and prudish about this. And so uninventive - oh, of course he's watched, and Laurence seems to do it the same way every time. Doesn't he have any original ideas? Temeraire sure does.

Ahahahaha, YES. I absolutely want to read the story where Temeraire asks him about this (very possibly in front of a lot of people), all taken aback because, how can Laurence be so negative about something so much fun? And his lack of inventiveness is downright affronting! Temeraire could offer helpful tips (and a helping -- well, probably not hand, but surely tongue--) if Laurence wants, surely he knows that?
Poor Laurence would probably have an embarrassment fit and all but faint on the spot. (Delicate sensibilities, that man.)
And the best part? Most of the other aviators probably wouldn't see anything wrong with Temeraire's attitude. ":-D

3. One terrible, terrifyingly hot word: Lien.

*blinks* That one never occurred to me... But the hate sex would be epic indeed!

[sirius-luva.livejournal.com]

Aziraphale! :D And aww, the bit about Crowley's preference for flaws was SO SWEET.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

1. Aziraphale is really neither gay nor straight nor asexual, but Crowleysexual. This has nothing to do with Twu Wuv or Abrahamic ideals of monogamy or any of that rot; it's just that sex doesn't really have a very important place in his mind relative to all the millions of things angels were created to think about. Except when Crowley is around. Then it ineffably tends to become a high priority indeed.

2. His interest in old books is not exclusively about their content or their rare status. It is also about old leather and brittle paper, papyrus and parchment, the sensual whispers of long-dead languages, the occasional stain of sweat or blood or tears or wine, the indescribable scent that dominates the dreams he doesn't remember. Is this a kink or an orientation? He doesn't know or care. He just knows he likes it.

3. Statement #1 notwithstanding, Crowley has not been his One and Only. He would take the secret to his grave, if angels had graves--which they don't, so it's even more secret than that. Even I don't know who it was.

[sirius-luva.livejournal.com]

Oh, I totally understand #1! And I'm buzzing with curiosity about #3! xD

And ooh, #2 is lovely. I feel pretty much the same way about books, actually, but I think Aziraphale brings it to a different level, and you described it beautifully.

Thank you so much, this was gorgeous!