Bats, belfreys, and blowjobs

[vulgarweed]

Hey, hjbender! And quantum_witch too!

I thought of you!


Totally unrelated poll, I swear! Inspired by an old post on writing_sex; one of my favorite topics--bodily fluids and treatment thereof! (also file under: urban hillbilly cuisine, I suppose.)

[Poll #978679]

Discuss!

Comments

[runcible.livejournal.com]

HOW USEFUL WAS MY CONTRIBUTION. LOL.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

TOTALLY. YOU MADE THIS POLL.

[alchemine.livejournal.com]

I have both spit and swallowed, but I would rather just do the finishing-off part by hand and circumvent that delicate issue entirely. :)

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

ooo, a third option! Kinky! :D

(I'm a swallower because it's the most efficient way of dealing with the mess.)

[quantum-witch.livejournal.com]

BAHAHA *gasps for breath* BAHAHAHA! Bats are the awesomeness, except when you're stuck with the clean-up. Oh that was great.

In general... Swallow, baby. I've never really written enough porn to specifically state it for a character.

The only time I didn't swallow was with a smoker, because it really does make it taste horrid. Your body filters everything it takes in. I've noticed big changes in flavour just from dietary changes. (Same goes for women.)

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

So that's where it went! XD

I don't think I ever have spit. It seems so much grosser. Hmmm...and I've never noticed any significant difference in tastes between smokers and non (then again, maybe I wouldn't)...but then I guess looking back on it, I haven't blown very many nonsmokers! Relatively speaking. Er, sample size. So to speak.

[quantum-witch.livejournal.com]

Smoking affects one's sense of taste and smell. And I've always been extra sensitive to tastes and odours, so perhaps I noticed faster than others would ;) Believe me, there is a difference.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Oh, I believe you. My senses are still pretty sensitive considering the abuses I put them through (actually, going by abuse I think maybe hearing ought to be the first to go). I was just trying to remember the last time I had sex with a non-smoker and...failed. It was well back into the early 90s at any rate.

[maggiehoneybite.livejournal.com]

Same goes for excessive amounts of beer. You get beer-tasting spunk; not my favourite.

[linnpuzzle.livejournal.com]

I wonder how many people would willingly admit to be bad at blowjobs.

As for BJ, it depends on how close you are to the person. That's basically the only rule I have. It's rude to come in someone's mouth you know without warning (because of messiness and disease and whahaveyou -no sex without talking extensively about it first, man!), and if you're close enough to allow your partner to come without warning, you might as well swallow.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

No one's admitted it yet! :)

That's a very sensible rule - a sensible way to go about it in general, I think.

[apricot-tree.livejournal.com]

Based on information I've been given by disinterested male parties (ie I wasn't sleeping with them, so I had no feelings to hurt) there are no such thing as bad blow jobs. (The exceptions being things that hurt - hard bites, etc.)

[shadowvalkyrie.livejournal.com]

Sucking cock with latex? o_O I've never tried that, sounds disgusting (a bit like the "chew the eraser" dare at elementary school). And otherwise: definitely spit + a huge glass of something to wash the taste away. I don't like bitter tastes of any kind (I don't even drink coffee and only rarely beer) and this stupid stuff is slimy in addition. Ugh! Cocks would be a lot nicer (even more than they are, I mean ";-]) without something coming out.
But of course my fictional characters swallow. They're way tougher than I am. (And probably get more practice.) "X-D

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Latex? Oh, yes, if you came of sexual age in the 80s in the US, you would've had it drilled into you real good. (double entendres intended.) That's why they make flavored condoms. Which are, IMO, even more revolting than the unflavored kind. Mint? Ew. As a dear friend of mine used to say, "why can't they make flavored condoms that taste like dick?" I think the taste of latex is a lot less appealing than spunk--but then I've never found the latter to be unpleasant. (I mean, probably wouldn't use it as a condiment on a sandwich or anything, but...) YMMV.

[shadowvalkyrie.livejournal.com]

Yes, flavoured latex taste must be the most revolting thing ever associated with sex. Still, even thinking of latex blowjobs sets my teeth on edge. (Yes, I know, baaad pun.)
"dick-flavoured"? *lol* Someone totally needs to invent an ice cream with that. "X-D
Dick-flavour is fine. But spunk? Just yuck.
But I don't like blowjobs all that much, anyway. Real sex is much nicer and I don't mind the condoms there.

Well, our school sex ed was focused solely on biology stuff. I could name most of the internal parts of either gender and explain all stages of the female cycle by sixth grade, but no one ever told us something about the practical use of said parts -or what not to do, for that matter.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

THis is probably TMI, but I wound up using a mint-flavored one for fucking once because it was all we had. I felt FRESH!I tell you-FRESH!! Eat your heart out, Massengill. (Don't try this at home, kids.)

Somewhere I might still have that pack of "Cock Flavored Soup Mix" someone gave me once. (Meant to be chicken, of course, but there was a translation issue. XD)

Oh, I didn't learn it in school! Not high school anyway -- college, yes, we had free condoms and safe-sex pamphlets EVERYWHERE. I just had a lot of queer and queer-friendly friends who were very aware of these things. I was also already pretty big on "no glove, no love" to begin with since when I was about 12 I read a whole boatload of those melodramatic 70s novels about pregnant teenagers and was like, "NO WAY am I letting that happen to me."

[celisnebula.livejournal.com]

Arrrgggghhh you need a clicky on the top for us pitiful people who aren't even getting that sort of sex, much less real sex.

But ya... condoms are a must, so no swallow for me.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

:(

I thought about that, but didn't want to rub anyone's face in it. Er. So to speak. It's OK if it's theoretical!

Don't swallow the condom! XD

[ellimayhem.livejournal.com]

This is completely off topic, but I thought you would get a laugh out of it. I especially am amused by Ellison's rebuttal:

http://pwbeat.publishersweekly.com/blog/2007/05/03/when-gary-met-shannon/

[celandineb.livejournal.com]

Swallowing is less, um, likely to interrupt things in general. And you're already tasting it, so might as well. I don't especially like the taste, but it doesn't grievously offend me or anything.

My characters pretty much swallow... for those reasons. *tries to remember if any of them have spit* Some of them apparently like the taste much more than I do though.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

I think spitting is WAY grosser than swallowing - seems to me like you actually have it in your mouth longer that way--going in and coming out. But then, I have kind of a spit squick: giving head doesn't make me gag, but seeing some dude hork up a lugy on the sidewalk often does. (Unfortunate, as it's a frequent occurrence round here.) To me the taste is neither pleasant nor unpleasant, it just...is. I like what it represents, so I have highly pleasant associations, though. :D

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

Never sucked cock myself as I've never been in a serious enough relationship to do anything unprotected (well, never actually been in anything that would constitute 'a relationship'), and am extremely averse to the idea of a mouth full of latex. However, my guess is that I'd probably swallow as spitting would involve having to clean up the mess (and you'd still have the residue in your mouth). As for fictional characters: well, from what I recall I've thus far only written blowjobs from the PoV of the character on the receiving end of things. However, when I contemplate the matter it varies from character to character. I picture Crowley & Aziraphale swallowing, but think that Draco Malfoy would definitely spit (though I'm sure that his Malfoy ancestors would be appalled at this blatant disregard of, erm, etiquette).

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

In order to be PC and responsible, I know I ought to recommend a mouth full of latex. But I can't, I just can't.

I think swallowing is far neater and more efficient myself.

So far the poll is bearing out a trend: almost nobody, in fansmut, ever writes somebody spitting, regardless of what they do themselves!

And you have to take into account that some guys take spitting as an insult....

Crowley & Aziraphale

...would probably both fall into this category.

Draco probably has an heirloom monogrammed handkerchief specifically for the purpose. Harry would swallow, though. Snape would do neither; he'd collect it for ingredients.

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

To me, in fic, swallowing seems more erotic and spitting either comedic or indicative of disgust.

*Pictures Aziraphale giving spitter!Crowley the disdainful cold shoulder for days over that one and the unwitting demon trying to work out what he'd done wrong (despite the fact that he'd be equally offended were the positions reversed)*

Draco probably has an heirloom monogrammed handkerchief specifically for the purpose. Harry would swallow, though. Snape would do neither; he'd collect it for ingredients.

*Giggles at mental image of Snape, on his knees, licking and sucking away until sensing that the moment of climax is near and triumphantly whipping out one of his trusty glass beakers*

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Agreed - it's really hard to make spitting sexy in smut. (or, I'd imagine, in RL - I've never done it so I can't say for sure.)

*Pictures Aziraphale giving spitter!Crowley the disdainful cold shoulder for days over that one and the unwitting demon trying to work out what he'd done wrong (despite the fact that he'd be equally offended were the positions reversed)*

XD WRITE IT I dare you!

*Giggles at mental image of Snape, on his knees, licking and sucking away until sensing that the moment of climax is near and triumphantly whipping out one of his trusty glass beakers*

Somebody, somewhere MUST have already written this.

[dreya-uberwald.livejournal.com]

XD WRITE IT I dare you!

You really shouldn't take advantage of the impressionable like this :D.

Somebody, somewhere MUST have already written this.

You know, I have the sudden, unholy urge to look for this fic, but know that typing: 'Snape' 'blowjob' 'semen receptacle' into the google searchbox would be something I'd live to regret.

[sarahsan]

Please, please forgive me for being an ignorant virgin but, um...'ticky box'??? What is? *hides face in shame*

As for the rest of the discussion, I am a bitter, bitter virgin to all sexual experiences, but I personally can't imagine I'll spit, unless it just tastes so awful I can't take it. And apparently it doesn't. Plus I have what is probably an unhealthy deep desire to suck cock (no idea where it came from but, um, yes...-^_^-), and swallowing just...fits the image, y'know?

And all my characters swallow. Cuz dey likes cock as much as I (theoretically) do.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Please, please forgive me for being an ignorant virgin but, um...'ticky box'??? What is? *hides face in shame*

On the off chance you're not kidding, I'll say it's an LJ HO thing that has nothing to do with sex except for the orgasmic pleasure some people get from clicking them on LJ polls. :D

Mileage varies on this - some people really do find the taste awful. It can be a little bitter. I don't, personally--if I were going to be grossed out by any aspect, it'd be the texture, not the taste. But you get used to it, and never underestimate the Pavlovian power of positive associations. :)

all my characters swallow 'cause I think spitting is gross, not hot.

[sarahsan]

Yeah, I really wasn't kidding, cause I didn't know that's what those boxes were called. O_O I...um...am just gonna slink off now. But thanks.

[vulgarweed.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't worry about it. I think some people get carried away with the DRUNKEN ABANDON of ticky boxes, because unlike with the round buttons, you can choose more than one option and that's like, lush and decadent.

I don't know who coined the word "tickoris," but I've seen it around way too much. XD

[mercuriazs.livejournal.com]

Man ... I couldn't answer this because I felt kind of dirty trying to figure out what all the characters I write would do. One of them's a priest! (No, no, do not insert Catholic priest joke here. He's a very nice non-molesty priest!)

But I don't give head as a matter of general principle because guys my age are stupid about it. So, la.

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA. Of course I must tick every ticky box, that's what they're for is it not? For a second I thought that article you linked to was about blowjobs. Then i got to the end and i was like "..."

[luzula]

Hmmm. I usually spit, not because of the taste, but because swallowing makes me feel like I have a cold (another occasion when you have lots of slimy stuff in my throat). Unless it's impractical, like once when I did it on a train. : )

It seems to me that the taste is often romanticized in fic (people are always "oh, you taste so good!"). But I guess that's just part of the general "fantasy" aspect of it. And I do find it hot when people swallow in fic, and I guess that's partly because psychologically it implies an acceptance of the other person, and partly (like Vulgarweed said) because spitting in itself isn't very erotic.